Geekdom Madness 2017: Miscellaneous

Those of you who are Easter people get a nice basket of WTF this week!







Let's meet the combatants:




MATCH 1: Miscellaneous Left

CHARLES FOSTER KANE

Born in Little Salem, Colorodo, Charles Foster Kane's poor family became suddenly wealthy when a mine given to them to settle a bill turns out to have a massive amount of gold in it. Trying to do what she thought was best, his mother left him with a New York City banker so that he could live a life of luxury (which Kane himself resented). He the proceeded to attend the United States' most prestigious colleges - and being summarily expelled from each. On a whim, he buys the newspaper "The New York Daily Inquirer" and uses it to smear his former guardian. For the rest of his life, each high-profile success is tempered with an even bigger loss until he dies a recluse in his mansion leaving the whole world wondering what he meant by his last word - "Rosebud".

Pros
* Charismatic.
* Begins rather idealistic.
* His rebellious streak is somewhat admirable, at least at first.

Cons
* Gradually loses his morality.
* Arrogant and domineering.
* So laser-focused on his goals that he doesn't see the damage they cause until it is too late.

DR. SHELDON COOPER

Dr. Sheldon Cooper was born in Galveston, Texas to an evangelical mother and a deadbeat alcoholic father. To the surprise (and sometimes dismay) of everyone, Sheldon soon began displaying a dizzying and almost superhuman intellect. He entered college at age 11, graduated summa cum laude at age 14, and currently works as a theoretical physicist at Caltech. In the meantime he is very, very, excruciatingly slowly trying to begin to learn some of the more...ahem..."social lore" that he disregarded in his previous studies.

Pros
* Has an immeasurable IQ and an eidedic memory.
* Fluent in Finnish, Mandarin, and Klingon.
* Does sincerely treasure his friends, even if he rarely acts like it.

Cons
* Criminally socially inept (likely due to one or more undiagnosed disorders).
* Massive superiority complex due to his mental achievements.
* Rarely understands basic human emotion, even when he himself experiences it.



***




MATCH 2: Miscellaneous Right

SHERLOCK HOLMES

Sherlock Holmes first found his calling for deduction while in university. After solving several mysteries for his classmates, a meeting with one of their fathers led him to a career as a detective. Sometimes as a private investigator, sometimes as a consultant with Scotland Yard. With his friend a roommate Dr. John Watson by his side, there is seemingly no case that Holmes can't crack before long.

Pros

* Intelligent and knowledgeable about a great many subjects.
* Highly observant and able to pick up on what many others miss.
* Flair for showmanship.

Cons
* Can come off as dispassionate and cold.
* Willing to bend the truth or the law if he feels justified for the investigation (whether it's true or not).
* Occasional user of tobacco, cocaine, and morphine.

G.I.R.

When becoming a planetary Invader, each Irken elite is given a Standard-issue Information Retrieval unit, a.k.a. S.I.R. These automatons are meant to aid in the Invader's mission and protect their master. However, the Irken Tallest have never seen a case quite like that of Zim, a former Invader so dangerously inept that he was banished to Foodcourtia only to "quit his banishment" in order to show up for Operation Impending Doom II. In order to get rid of him once and for all, the Tallest "assign" him to some off-the-map backwater and - in order to "help" him - create a special G.I.R. unit for him (out of broken S.I.R parts and whatever they had in their pockets at the time). What does the "G" stand for? G.I.R. doesn't know. But he's not "stupid", he's "advaaaaaaanced."

Pros
* Absolutely freaking adorable, and greets everything with boundless enthusiasm.
* Has all the standard features of a S.I.R. including rocket feet, x-ray vision, and empty space in his head to store things like weapons, rubber piggies, a beehive, and a thermos.
* His simple nature will occasionally hit upon a keen observation his master has (and will likely continue to) missed.

Cons
* Hyperactive and weird.
* Easily distracted.
* These got peanuts and soap in 'em!


***

Final Verdict
The last Preliminary slots are always the Miscellaneous weirdos that don't seem to fit anywhere else. I feel like this year outdoes the craziness.

As always, make sure you're viewing the WEB version of the site and vote in the polls on the right-hand side of the screen. Polls close Friday at 5:00 p.m., and results posted on Saturday. Feel free to discuss your picks in the comments below.