Saturday, May 31, 2014

May the 4th: Family Guy and Robot Chicken

(Originally Written for Jedi News)

I’m going to break tradition here and pre-empt the crawl to say that because these specials are in no way shape or form intended for younger audiences, talking about them in any meaningful way may contain subject matter not suited for all readers. As Jedi News is still a family site, I’m going to do my very best to keep things PG at worst, but I felt it was my duty to throw up this disclaimer on the off chance something slips by.

Anyway, without further ado…

A long time ago, but somehow in the future…


Episode IV

It is a time of civil war,
and renegade paragraphs
floating through space.

There's cool space battles,
and the bad guy is the
good guy's dad, but you
don't find that out 'til the
next episode.

And the hot chick is really
the sister of the good
guy, but they don't know it,
and they kiss. Which is
kind of messed up. I mean,
what if they had done it
instead of just kissed?

Angelina Jolie kissed her
brother. Yeah, she did. You
know it, I know it, and
her dad knows it. That's
why they hardly ever talk
anymore. You can run away
to Africa, but you can't run
away from the truth.

Oh, by the way, here's
a tip for you: when this
is over, go out and rent
the movie "Gia." She's way
naked in it, and makes out
with another chick and
everything. It's awesome.
I stumbled across it late at
night on HBO after I
had just got back from
hockey and I almost
fainted. But I digest...

Princess Leia was coming
back from buying space
groceries when this

Geekdom Madness: House of Mouse Victor

While I like this poll better aesthetically, and will be using this site until Blogger's poll is fixed, I do plan on going back to the Blogger poll once I've been assured that the issues have been addressed. However, that's likely far in the future.

The victor for the eighth round of the preliminaries is...

"I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something's starting right now!"
While PollSnack won't let me view the number of votes each combatant received, I can still say that Ariel received 80% of the vote while Donald managed only 20%. I can also say this is the highest voter turnout in weeks at 15 votes total, and hoping it grows from here.

As always, here's the breakdown. Check back tomorrow!

Click on this stuff. Isn't it neat?

Friday, May 23, 2014

Geekdom Madness: Distinguished Competitors Victor

Like I promised, this is going up a little early. I was hoping the issues with the polls would resolve themselves, but sadly that's not the case. However, I had enough data from before to call this match.

The victor for the seventh round of the preliminaries is:

Before the poll went haywire, the results set the records for both lowest turnout and most one-sided fight. Only 5 votes were counted, 100% of them going to Catwoman. Rorschach didn't get a single vote, at least not before Blogger ate the previously counted votes.

I'm going to experiment with the polling widgets some more, see if Blogger's is still not working, see if there's a third party I can use. Either way, I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure the competition continues this Sunday like normal, so check back at the normal time.

Until then, here's the breakdown:

Clicking this time will actually make it smaller and harder to read.

May the 4th: The Clone Wars

(Originally Written for Jedi News)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…


Episode II.V

A galaxy divided! Striking swiftly after
the Battle of Geonosis, Count Dooku's
droid army has seized control of the major
hyperspace lanes, separating the Republic
from the majority of its clone army.

With few clones available, the Jedi generals
cannot gain a foothold on the Outer Rim
as more and more planets choose to join
Dooku's Separatists. While the Jedi are
occupied fighting a war, no one is left to
keep the peace. Chaos and crime spread,
and the innocent become victims in a
lawless galaxy.

 Crime lord Jabba the Hutt's son has been
kidnapped by a rival band of pirates. Desperate
to save his son, Jabba puts out a call for
help—a call the Jedi are cautious to answer…

Thursday, May 22, 2014

More Poll Problems

So I've been following the poll, and all of a sudden today everyone's votes disappeared.

I've been trying to troubleshoot the problem, but short of just resubmitting the poll, I don't know what to do.

I do remember the tally up to this point, so worse comes to worse I can go off of that. I apologize for the inconvenience, and I'll keep you guys updated.

UPDATE: Tried to create a backup poll, but it was still having the same issues. 

FINAL UPDATE: I'm going to try and contact Blogger about this, but it's turning into a lot of hoop-jumping.

More to the point, I'm going to leave the poll alone today and see if it gets repaired by tomorrow morning. If it does, I'll keep going as planned. If not, I'm going to call the victor a day early based on the last poll numbers before it crashed.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Geekdom Madness: That's All Folks! Victor

This blog's supply of voters, the "making this competition fun" atom, is alarmingly low.

The victor for the sixth round of the preliminaries is:

Daffy Duck
"I can't help it. I'm a greedy thlob. It'th my hobby."

Daffy got 77% of the vote (7 votes), while Slappy only received 22% (2 votes). 

Hey, so, now that the first columns are officially the "Preliminaries," what should I call the bracket between this one and the "Quarter-Finals"? Is there a name for it in sports-type stuff?

Anyway, as always, here's the breakdown. Check back tomorrow!

Such click. Many large. Wow!

Friday, May 16, 2014

May the 4th: Spaceballs

(Originally Written for Jedi News)

Once upon a time warp…


Chapter Eleven

In a galaxy very, very, very,
very, far away, there lived
a ruthless race of beings
known as . . . Spaceballs.

The evil leaders of Planet
Spaceball, having foolishly
squandered their precious
atmosphere, have devised a
secret plan to take every
breath of air away from
their peace-loving neighbor,
Planet Druidia.

Today is Princess Vespa's
wedding day. Unbeknownst
to the princess, but knownst
to us, danger lurks in the
stars above. . .

If you can read this, you
don't need glasses.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Geekdom Madness: A Marvellous Match Victor

Wow, what a battle!

The victor for the fifth round of the preliminaries is:

"Do I still think in those little yellow boxes? Oooh I missed you, little yellow boxes! What FUN we shall have together!"

I had been following this poll's progress closer than most, and at almost every turn, the combatants were completely tied. I was actually looking forward to using my omnipotent blog-writer tiebreaker powers to call this one for Gobby, but at almost literally the last second Deadpool received an influx of votes, putting him at 60% (9 votes) to Green Goblin's 40% (6 votes).

I wonder if Deadpool himself got a hold of several IP adresses this morning....

Anyway, as always, here's the breakdown. Check back tomorrow!

Click for big

Friday, May 9, 2014

May the 4th: The Ewok Adventures

(Originally Written for Jedi News)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…


Episode ?????.II


Our story begins long, long ago,

deep in an enchanted forest on the

distant moon of Endor.

In an Ewok village, Deej tries to

summon two of his sons who went

into the woods and have not

returned. He fears they may be lost.

Using his skin glider to look for his sons,

Deej sees a strange shining object in

the trees below. But, anxious to find

his missing children, he continues the


Thursday, May 8, 2014

Amazing Pt. 2

My wife and I saw "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" the other night. I'm going to set up this review the same way as the previous review, since that's how my brain is working to figure these films out (or, rather, my often conflicting opinions and reactions to these films).

Spoilers Ahead

Monday, May 5, 2014

Amazing pt. 1

I did it. I broke down and did it. My wife, surprisingly, really wants to see Amazing Spider-Man 2 while it's in theatres (she almost never wants to see things in theatres). Since we're not watching 2 before 1, I did what I've been avoiding for reasons I've made clear in numerous posts.

I have a lot of complicated and nuanced opinions of this first film, so meet me after the break. Spoilers ahead.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Geekdom Madness: A Marvellous Match

This week's match-up features the Merc with the Mouth vs. the Emerald Elf. Excelsior!

May the 4th: The Holiday Special

(Originally Written for Jedi News)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…


Episode ???


Starring Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, 

Harrison Ford as Han Solo, and Carrie Fisher

as Princess Leia.

With Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, Peter Mayhew as

Chewbacca, R2-D2 as R2-D2, and James Earl Jones

as the voice of Darth Vader.

Introducing Chewbacca’s Family: His wife, Malla;

His father, Itchy; His son, Lumpy.

With special guest stars: Beatrice Arthur, Art Carney,

 Diahann Carrol, The Jefferson Starship, Harvey Korman,

and an animated Star Wars story on the Star Wars

Holiday Special…

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Geekdom Madness: Wizard's Duel Victor

Lowest turnout yet. Not a lot of Potter fans amongst you? What a shame.

The victor of the fourth round is:

Remus J. Lupin
"Eat the chocolate. It'll help."

Lupin received 75% of the votes (6 votes) and Snape scraped 25% (2 votes)

I really, really hope the turnout grows from here. The small number is depressing. Hope the Dementors didn't get you guys.

Here's the breakdown. Check back tomorrow!

Tell me, do I need to make the font even bigger after the preliminaries?

Friday, May 2, 2014

May the 4th: One More Day

No, that godawful Spider-Man reboot story isn't a Star Wars spin-off. My first installment of my reviews went on JediNews late, so that means you guys'll have to wait another day (as per my agreement with JN). I'm setting it up as we speak.

*UPDATE*: You know what? It's going up on Midnight on the 4th. May the 4th be with you!