Monday, October 22, 2012

How Did Star Wars Come To Pass?

I'm not talking about making of, this is just something I thought recently. What is the culmination of Star Wars? What is the Happily Ever After climax moment of the film series? What is, stripping away all the psychological stuff and character stuff the true archetypal story moment where good wins out over evil and thus the point to telling the story in the first place?

In case someone reading it hasn't seen it I will hide it after the page jump. I don't care if most people know, I'm protecting the 30-year-old spoiler.

It is when Emperor Palpatine takes a dive into one of the Death Star II (electric boogaloo)'s many bottomless pits.

But he wouldn't have ended up in there had Anakin Skywalker not come to his senses at the last moment and destroy the evil cretin.

And Anakin would not have done that had the Emperor not been zapping his only son, Luke, right in front of him.

And the Emperor would have no reason to do this had Luke not got in his way time and time again.

Naturally, Luke is a hero and heroes are drawn to such nonsense. But he did kind of have to be born first.

Luke Skywalker was born because, without getting too graphic, Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala went the rather conventional route of reproduction.

Anakin and Padmé wouldn't have done this were they not in love.

Anakin and Padmé would not have had a chance to fall in the kind of love that leads to such things consentually had Anakin not been assigned by the Jedi to be Padmé's bodyguard.

The Jedi would not have been able to order Anakin to do jack squat were he not one of them. But Anakin Skywalker was trained as a Jedi.

The only reason Anakin Skywalker was trained as a Jedi is because Obi-Wan Kenobi honored the last wish of his dying master Qui-Gon Jinn, who wished the boy to be trained.

Qui-Gon wanted the boy trained because he had a feeling he was the prophesied "Chosen One."

Qui-Gon got this idea from testing Anakin's blood.

Qui-Gon wouldn't have gone so far as to order a blood test had he not first noticed the boy and spent some time interacting with him and sensing that this was no ordinary boy.

And how did Qui-Gon Jinn notice Anakin Skywalker in the first place?

Because Jar Jar Binks decided he was hungry and tried to snag a frog (or frog-like creature) that he did not realize was connected to a rack and also not free. Spitting it out, it landed in the soup of an especially dangerous Dug thus requiring a passing Anakin to save the poor slob.

So the next time someone wistfully laments at how Star Wars would be so much better without the likes of Jar Jar Binks, you can tell that person that if it weren't for poor old Jar Jar, there would BE no Star Wars.

The End.

P.S. It was Jar Jar's fault they were at Tattooine in the first place, since his meeting the Jedi allowed them to take a shortcut to Theed, thus intercepting Amidala before she was placed in an interment camp, forcing them to escape through the Trade Federation blockade which punctured the hyperdrive forcing them to make the pit stop on the desert planet. So Haters can stick it where the sun don't shine.


  1. Very true:) I do love when good old facts can implode hater's point in an instant. :)

    1. Too bad that won't stop them. We just need the history books to record it correctly.

  2. Oh my God, you're a crazy person